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Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005
3:06 pm - Kentucky Grind Bash on tour!!!!!

    Kentucky Grind Bash has started their sweep through the nation last week. They are a well known band in their home town, Ezel Kentucky, which in German means Ass. Fans of the group say that the meaning of the city's name shows through in the character of it's members. Henry Cain, lead vocals, says he's always thought of the town "ass an ass" finding great humor in it. On the other hand Shelby Bellingham, banjo, triangle, backup vocals, self proclaimed doctor, states,"The name of the town means a lot to us. To me though, I think the name means strong and laborous. Not stubborn."
    Their first week on the road brought them to Orange County. Playing a free show, accepting tips, they did not draw much of a croud. Despite the first few failures, this Blue Grass band said that they would not give up. They have four more dates booked now besides nine dates that are not booked. Rather the nine dates that are not booked are on street corners that they have chosen prior to the tour. Due to the size of the band/family they must choose street corners that will hold a minimum of eleven people.
    If you're interested in attending one of the Kentucky Grind Bash shows here are their upcoming dates for the 2005 tour:

3/23 - Pussycat Lounge 21+ - New York, NY (CANCELED)
2/24 - Denim & Diamonds - New York, NY (CANCELED)
3/26 - *Nicolette Ave & Lesalle Blvd - Minneapolis, MN
3/27 - Rick's Bar - Fargo, ND (CANCELED)
4/02 - Blues At The Depot - Livingston, MT (CANCELED)
4/04 - Ha' Penny Bridge - Boise, ID (CANCELED)
4/09 - Tractor Tavern - Seattle, WA (CANCELED)
4/16 - Tugboat Brew Pub (NO ASIANS PLEASE) - Portland, OR
4/20 - THC's Crindedible THC Lounge - Location Unknown, CA

* Not a venue.

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Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004
8:32 pm - Uh Oh - O - rama

    A few weeks ago i went to a friends house and saw a guy who wanted some beer that i was carrying, i was really thirsty so i had two of them and drank them at the same time. When i say at the same time i mean i drink out of both bottles simultaneously. i was just trying to be nice to the guy when he tells me i smell like the backyard porch of the Kentucky Grind Bash (apparently a band). So i go from being friendly and giving to very angered. Well below are the pictures. i'll let you figure out the story.

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Monday, November 1st, 2004
8:27 pm - Human Rights Zombies are my friend....


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Sunday, October 24th, 2004
2:39 am


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Sunday, October 17th, 2004
7:55 pm - Scrolling down through past headers I found Armpit Operation.
pinksparklz So as an appraiser I occasionally have orders where we collect a check at the door from the homeowner (or Homo as we like to call them) for payment of the appraisal. I had such order friday morning. The guy, Jason, was really nice but seemed a bit edgy about writing me a four hundred dollar check. After verifying I was legit, he apologized for being a bit paranoid and I said, "hey if a stranger showed up at my door wanting four hundred bucks I'd be a little leary too." His reply? "well it is a little weird having a woman show up at my door with a tape measure and wanting money." I wanted to say, SO bad, "Wouldn't that be EVERY woman though?" I had a good laugh with Summer about that one.

I promise not everything humorous that happens to me is sexual in nature....just the ones in the past two weeks.

current mood: cheerful

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Thursday, October 14th, 2004
5:24 pm - Aliens got me again...

    i'm sure you already know the story of when aliens abducted me. If not here it is again and an animation i made in the COMMAND LINE with LINUX (Make a note cute girls, i'm good with the computer!!)

    So i'm laying there in my bed minding my own buisness one night, sipping off my Nyquil, and i notice a bright light which i figure is just another guy looking for shots of woman undressing to sell to porn shops. i saw it on 20/20 once a few years ago and i've been paranoid ever since.
    Anyway, i just pretend to ignore it continue undressing and sort of dancing around but not dancing, you know what i mean? All untill i notice a figure in my room staring at me like i'm an idiot. It said to me without moving anything on its face," You're pretty hot, you're comming with us." i didn't put up any resistance i've been watching sightings for far to long to give up a chance to be on it, its my favorite show. So they take me up in a ladder. i asked them why they didn't use a beam like in the movies they said that no one has that kind of technology.
    It was silent outside the ship but as soon as i stepped inside all i heard was the ambient sounds, that of a rave. i was led to a room in which i was told to use a tazer on these aliens that were tied up. So i went about it without question, these are aliens and America's laws don't apply here. After a while of that, i was led to the ladder with some other aliens i could tell these ones were probably teenagers. They looked pretty excited. Their, what seemed to be, parents were telling them to be careful. The ladder dropped and we all went down. We were in the middle of a field, they handed me something which looked like it was used to cut stuff. Some of the teenagers ran over to something i couldn't see well yet, it was dark. They were cutting up a cow they took all the organs and put them in a bag. We quikly ran, all of us giggling, and climbed back up into the ship. We all went into this room and one of the teenagers was yelling that he wanted to be the one tonight, laughing and smiling the whole time. So he layed down on this table and still smiling used the cutting device on his chest and made an incision on his chest and they all went around him and took the organs out of him one by one replacing them with the cow organs as they went. When finished he stood up laughing and telling everyone to look at him, with the organs attached but still hanging out of his body which was out of proportion compaired to the organs of a cow.
    Knowing every good time has to come to an end, helped when they told me that they had to drop me off at home. So they all came to the ladder with me, everyone sort of down about having to say good bye. They said they'd come around next time they were in the galaxy so i told them i look forward to it. On my way down the ladder i looked back up all teary eyed and said good bye, and a little girl came up and kissed me on the forehead and handed me a little doll, i think its the equivalent of a tedy bear but its pretty ugly, i still smiled and said thanks.
    When i got down the ladder into my window i went right to bed and didn't have any anal probes or any scars.... well only because they can close incision very well without leaving scars, i may or may not have any cow organs in my body but thats for me to know and you to find out.

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12:55 pm - Can you feel it, in'it scarey?

    Choca choca choca choca. Mr. Agopagis isn't such a nice guy when he dances in circles. (i don't know why that popped into my head.)

    One of Dario Argento's movies is playing on IFC sometime soon, i still havn't seen one of his movies but they are supposed to be very good with very interesting camera angles and shots. As i think, anyone who would read anything in this community would find horror movies funny, i just advertised and advertisement that maybe some of you would have liked to hear.

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Wednesday, October 13th, 2004
2:17 am

I am planning a party....a comet watching party....anyone who is willing to follow the rules is invited....we will have a fun time....bring your loved ones and we will get them to join....we will all wear funny matching costumes that my love mate has sewn together by hand....we will look at the sky alot....please come and find eternal and internal peace at our party....it will be out of this world..

P.S. I do need someone to buy at least enough packets of Kool-ade to make 5 gallons...so if you could pick that up on your way, it will be appreciated....oh and there is no real end time for the party....I guess it will just be over when the party dies....

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Thursday, October 7th, 2004
12:46 pm - All parts of your body....

    Last night i was watching Envy, there is a part where Jack Black talks about your hand being something else. It blew my mind that someone else would even think of that too. i've thought of the body being just a container for the brain, all we are is a brain and a mass of flesh.

    Your hand is you but its something else!!!

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11:53 am - Who's YOUR daddy?
pinksparklz Yesterday I was in ROSS looking at purses I don't need and did not buy, thank goodness. While browsing, I overheard the strangest noise......a downright obscene noise. I blushed and thought, 'is someone having SEX at ROSS?!?!?!' the groanings continued and then a voice was heard. "DADDY!!" Groooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaan PANT PANT grooooooooooooooan. "DADDY!" "OH MY!" I thought, and blushed more. The noises and DADDY calling grew LOUDER. Suddenly this girl rushed into the purse section and groaned. "DADDY, LOOK AT THE PURSES!" "You can't have that one put it back!" he yelled at his retarded daughter. "DADDY I WANT THIS ONE!!!" GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAN PANT PANT GROOOOOOOOOOOOOAN. Head down I blushed and stifled the belly laughs ready to burst. The man pulled away his daughter from the racks and she groaned again. "Let's go find your mommy." As they passed along the homewares she ran away from him again. "I WANT TO LOOK AT THE BAKEPOTS!!!!" GRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAN. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to get out of there. As I paid for a pair of jeans she was still yelling, "DADDY I WANT TO LOOK AT THE BAKEPOTS!!!!!!!!!!!" GRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAN, PANT PANT, GROOOOOOOOOOOAN. The check out ladies were completely distracted but I FINALLY got out of there and had a pretty great laugh in my car. I wish I could capture her UUUHH UUUUUGHHHH groan on here.

After meeting last night I got some food with two married sisters. As I drove them home I told them that story and while they were busting out laughing one of them slipped out, "I just CAN'T get myself to SAY that!!! Its just TOO embaressing. I've heard its a real turn on, but I just can't say it!!!!!!" I just about died. I was friends with her husband before they got married and that mental imagery was a little.....uh, well, anyway. THE END.

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Wednesday, October 6th, 2004
2:49 am - Sorry for any misspelled words....it's 3 A.M. and I am oh so tired

So today I was in the mall, at Suncoast, looking at a movie. When one of the employees came up...he was a young man, and he asked me if I needed help. I politely told him no...the truth is..I was sort of looking for something..and I was having trouble finding it..but I just didn't want to deal with other humans at the moment, they have a way of getting on my nerves. So he told me to let him know if I needed anything, and suddenly, without warning, an urge over took me. I took a step toward him and before I could stop myself, I was slapping him across the face. He was wearing glasses, so they flew off and hit a copy of My Fair Lady on DVD, and knocked it off the shelf. But the thing was, I didn't stop there. I was full of a desire to slap this guy all over the store. So I hit him a few more times, but his co-worker started over to where we were standing after witnessing the assult. This guy was huge and I knew I was screwed if I stayed there. So I ran out of the store, with the large employee giving chase.

Almost immediately after leaving the store, I ran past some made up prissy high school chick, you know the prom queen type. As soon as I ran past her, I had to stop and go back, and I slapped her across the face. She let out a yelp and brought her hand up to her cheek, dropping her Hello Kitty purse in the act. I began to run again, and as I ran past Hot Topic, a kid with purple hair, wearing a fishnet shirt and tall black boots came out. I stopped and slapped him, then took his Hot Topic bag and dumped out the contents. Out of the bag came the typical "goth" clothing. I took the clothes and ripped them to shreds, and threw them back at the kid. Right before I ran off, I kicked him in the shin. I knew that I had to run to the bathrooms and lay low for a little while, because security would be looking for me after the reports. So I made my way to the middle of the mall, but on my way I saw a woman who was speed walking around the mall. On her sweater was attached a American Flag pin, and one with a picture of two little kids on it. The urge to slap her was unbearable. So I did a spinning back slap and made contact. Right after that, I did a tuck and roll into the hallway leading to the restroom.

I entered one of the stalls and locked it. I was tired from the running, so I sat down on the commode and drifted off to sleep. I am not real sure how long I was out, but when I awoke, sitting on the floor in the stall, was a bomb. The bomb had a few straps attached to it, so that you could strap it to your body. I knew this was for me. I was the judge, it was a chore given to me, by someone unknown. The clock had struck it's appointed time....it was time to pass judgement. I strapped the bomb to my person, and stepped out of the stall. I walked out of the bathroom and made my way down the hall. I was now standing in the middle of the mall, people around me in every direction. I filled my lungs with air, ripped off the light jacket I was wear, exposing the bomb, and yelled at the top of my lungs......YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF FAKES!!!!!!!!

You can about imagine the reaction. People stood, with mouths wide open in disbelief. There is sort of a humorousness to the look that appears of people face, as their visage changes from disbelief, to the "Oh my god I am going to die" look. All around me I saw this expression on dozens of faces, and it made me burst out in laughter. The laughing only lasted a minute, then I was back in my dismal mood. I saw a kid standing not far from me who had a pin on his shirt that said EMO, and another one that said xStraightEdgex. I walked over to him and punched him in the nose and began yelling in his ear. He brought his hands up to his face instinctively and as blood poured between his fingers I yelled that he was an idiot for labeling himself and the real reason he did so was to be part of the crowd, I yelled that he didn't refuse to drink and smoke because he was concerned about his health, but because he wanted to look cool, he wanted to fit in with a group, and if he really was concerned about his health and his morals and nothing more then he wouldn't need to wear a pin or draw X's on his hand. I screamed at him that emo was a stupid concept, did he consider himself emo because he cried? because he had emotions? WELL GUESS WHAT!! I yelled. IT'S CALLED BEING A HUMAN BEING, ALL HUMANS CRY AND ALL HUMANS HAVE EMOTIONS...SO GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE, YOU ARE NOT THAT SPECIAL. YOUR PRIDE IN THESE EMPTY LABELS IS BORDERLINE JOCKISH YOU IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!

It was time to do away with these fakes. I yelled that they had commited a horrible crime and needed to be punished. They had neglected to respect their individualizm, and they in fact killed it by forming these stupid meaningless labels and groups. My finger was on the button, and ready to wipe this scum off the face of the earth, when suddenly a small child walked up to me out of the crowd and offered me a bottle of Coke. I was astounded, I mean, I knew this was going to be my last few minutes alive, so why not enjoy a Coke before I died. I took the bottle and sucked it down. What happened to me next is hard to explain, but I was suddenly over taken by this intense tranquility and I felt....in love. In love with everyone around me. I didn't care anymore that they were empty mindless drones, that were under the control of labels. I walked back over to the kid with the pins and apologized to him, and told him that if he wanted to remain empty and disillusioned that that was fine with me, and everyone else should be fine with it too. I took the bomb vest off of me and let is fall to the ground and then shouted at the top of my lungs....I LOVE ALL OF YOU!!!!! I was immediately tackled to the ground.

So now I am in jail, writing this story. I am going to be executed tomorrow morning sometime. It is a new policy of the government, that if someone makes a point to try and get people to think for themselves, then they are considered very dangerous, terrorist status infact. But I understand their reasoning, and I am not depressed about it at all. Rather I am happy, because my eyes were opened the other day, when I had that Coke. As long as people drink it, the world will be a better place, because it puts you in a state of acceptence and love. I know...deep down inside...that Coke will save the world.

P.S. I love Big Brother

The End

current mood: tired

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